For those of you who’ve read Sam Stow’s interview with Graeme Swann, here’s some more choice chat that we couldn’t fit in the mag. For those of you who haven’t, the full interview can be read in AOC 65, in shops now.

On settling in…

“Obviously, in my first Test match, when I took two wickets in my first over, I felt validated and thought, “I can do it at this level”, but I suppose that the first time I knew that I was (at least on paper) definitely in the team was in South Africa. We’d won the Ashes and I’d been bowling well in the tour games leading up to the first Test, so I was pretty sure I’d be playing. But when the team is read before the game, I still listen for my name and only my name. I think it’s quite a dangerous thing to expect to be picked. I think if you’re living on the edge, it can be a very healthy place to be.”

On seniority…

“I’m not sure what it means to be a senior player in international cricket? You certainly know what that means in a county squad, but it’s not quite the same in the international game. You can be viewed as established but you’re really only one or two bad performances away from being dropped. Where I do see myself as senior is in the spin bowling performance – as I’m the only one in the team. I’ve got the monopoly over that conversation! But I don’t look at it that I’m on one level and others are on another. As long as I’m performing well then seniority isn’t really an issue.”

I don’t see that we can stand in the field for 10 hours and enjoy it. It’s just not possible. And people who do enjoy it freak me out a little bit.

On the sense of humour and standing in the field…

“The way I appeal just comes from the fact that whenever I see the ball hit the pads I’m always 100% sure that it’s out. In the field I think a sense of humour is important because fielding is the most boring thing I can imagine. When we’re batting, I’ll watch half an hour, then play cards or something but when you’re fielding you have to stand there for six hours. If I’m watching at home, I’ll watch for about an hour then go and do the shopping. I don’t see we can play a game where we stand in the field for 10 hours and enjoy it. It’s just not possible. And people who do enjoy it freak me out a little bit. It’s very important to show energy for the team, but I think that people who genuinely enjoy fielding for two days in a row need their head looking at.”

On psychology…

“I don’t [see psychology as an important part of the game]. I know someone like Warne did, but I’ll never have a chat with the batsman… unless I’ve got him out and he’s not walked – then I’ll call him everything I shouldn’t! I don’t really see the point of it. ‘Kidology’ is important, trying to get a batsman to play the wrong shot, but I not really looking at mental disintegration or whatever you want to call it. I guess you want to make a batsman to think the ball is spinning more than it is, but I don’t go out and try and intimidate people.”

On starting a spell with a wicket…

“I think it’s just coincidence. I’d like to say it’s because I’m deadly accurate from my first over, but I think that would be ridiculous. I always try and get the first over down in roughly the right place and I guess with only one spinner in the side, the batsmen are never set. I’d like to pretend I’ve got this strange ball, the ‘Towcester Tweak’ I’ll call it, but I’ve not.”

I sit near Straussy in the dressing room, and say “I can’t believe we don’t reverse sweep more”. He calls me a buffoon.

On the simple art of batting…

“I’ve absolutely found my spot at number nine. I can’t think of a better spot to bat. Of course, if I go back to Notts and they put me at number nine that’s stupid because I’m the best number six that Notts have ever seen! I like the new ball. Some bowlers don’t because they see it as more chance that they’ll be hit on the head but I love it as it comes off the bat more easily.”

“I’ve got a very simple approach to batting, which you may have worked out – if I see it in my area I’ll throw my hands at it. If it’s up it’s off, if it’s short I’ll try and pull it. I don’t pretend to waver from that. I love it when the spinners are on because I try and reverse sweep them, only because I sit in the dressing room beforehand near Straussy, and I say “I can’t believe we don’t reverse sweep more”, and he calls me a buffoon and an idiot! And then there’s a voice in my head saying, go on, do it first ball.”

On statistics…

“I’ve always been a massive believer that stats are a load of horseshit. And people who go their whole career watching their stats and trying to average 40 with the bat, or whatever… if I was picking the team I wouldn’t want any of those in.

“Some of the seasons where it spun as lot, my figures were probably inflated. Then, my first year at Notts was probably the best I ever bowled but I only got 30 wickets. I had to settle into a side and acclimatise to a Test match-quality wicket, and adjust to the role of being the senior spinner in the team and I’d have averaged at least 40.

“Stats tell you nothing about the situation you’ve bowled in or the players you’ve bowled at. And, in that year, I’d often not bowl first innings because of the seam attack we had were taking all the wickets. I was chipping in with two or three wickets in the second innings.”

Stats are a load of horseshit. If I was captain, I wouldn’t pick a batsman who focussed on getting their average above 40.

On the other side of statistics…

Get it above or keep it above? [Having just been asked: “Can you get your batting average above Andrew Flintoff’s by the end of your career?]. I don’t believe in stats, but it would be nice to look back in 50 years and say, I’m the greatest all-rounder since Garry Sobers! The problem is, Sobers bowled seam and I’ve only ever bowled seamers once in a game, for Northants County Colts. Having said that, Neil Foster was the opening bowler at the other end and he only got one wicket, whilst I got six with my deadly late away swing, so, on reflection, I genuinely think that Test cricket has a place for me with my fast late away swing. Yeah, I can see myself tearing in at least 115 kph.

On taking his game to the next level…

“My wicket-keeping’s not great. I should probably work on y leg-side takes.”

On Stuart Broad…

It’s interesting, because he’s got himself all these endorsements, an appearance on Jonathan Ross and a new girlfriend, but I got more runs and wickets at the Oval. I don’t care, I’m just saying!

On hosting his own show…

I fancy having my own show. I’m thinking Funhouse, but for grown ups. With go-karts and get everyone as pissed as farts. Perhaps Funhouse meets with The Word. I’m yet to Pitch it to Sky, but we’ll see.”