He’s seen our former monthly scribes Swanny and Jimmy defame his character more than once in AOC but fortunately our great nation was built on principles like the right to reply, so put your hands together, please, to welcome our brand new diarist, Steven Finn.
To read Finny’s diary in full pick up a copy of the latest AOC but for now, here’s a few choice extracts from his first offering.
Finny on… wedding season
“My roomate and good friend Tim Murtagh got married today. Obviously the day would not have been complete without a bit of Murtagh nudity (him, not his missus), so we used the photo booth at the wedding venue to express ourselves in the only way we knew how. I was only assisting a very drunk man take his clothes in there, may I add, and not once did anything of mine see the lens. Check the wedding album if you don’t believe me!”
Finny on… Call of Duty
“Our evening’s entertainment in the UAE has predominantly been Call of Duty. Broady is the biggest gaming geek I’ve ever come across. He will have a good career after cricket attending Xbox conventions. But the most fascinating gamer is Trotty. Just like his batting, he will get in a focused state and try and stay there, no matter how much the lads try and put him off. But be careful not to thrash him too bad, otherwise he will switch the console off and order you out of his room.”
Finny on… credit card roulette
“Tonight 14 of us went to The Ivy restaurant in Dubai and decided to play credit card roulette. There were plenty of sighs as people’s cards were picked out and eliminated from paying by the waitress. A big ‘boo’ rang out when Trotty’s card was picked out (I don’t know why). And then we were down to our final two – Graham Gooch and Kevin Pietersen. As the last card was taken away , it was as if a crowd of whooping football hooligans had invaded the restaurant, as it was revealed that KP was picking up the tab for the boys. Thanks Kev, it was a top meal.”
Finny on… Speedos
“Realised how many grown men are wearing Speedos by the pool. Slightly disturbed to see one bloke tucking them in to his bum cheeks to get an all over tan. Went to my room feeling decidedly queasy.”
Finny on… flatulence
“We had a practise session today, which was a really good workout. The intensity of the session may have given us jelly legs, but it shouldn’t have made our bowel movements looser. It was like playing Dutch ovens without the covers on the journey home. Graeme Swann is by far the most shameless – a diet of spaghetti bolognese and painkillers have turned his guts to a dreadful state. But the person I was least expecting to emit such smells was newly-wed Alastair Cook. His wry smile just as I got my first whiff was not that of a former choirboy. I wonder if his better half knows what she’s let herself in for!
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