AOC’s pocket pedagogue Sam Stow plucks another handful of happenings from cricket’s tree of knowledge.
To say this week has been busy would be an understatement. The AOC was a hive of activity on Monday and Tuesday as we prepared to send another issue of The World’s Best Cricket Magazine™ to print, and then of course we had plenty of drinking to do in the aftermath. Throw in three days of gripping Test cricket, and you understand why I’ve barely had time to even write this column. Mercifully, I’ve managed…
Lesson 1. Shane Warne is good at bowling, but bad at being Australian
He’s got more hair, less fat and a lovely lady on his arm, but it seems that Shane Warne’s newfound happiness hasn’t met with public approval. This week saw cricket’s most famous blond named ‘Un-Australian of the Year’ by the Australian incarnation of lad’s mag Zoo. “Warnie’s woeful makeover had sealed the deal,” said editor of Zoo, Tim Keen. “He’s a bloke who went from eating baked beans to being the same colour as them. He looks like Teri Hatcher’s stunt double. We’re all for punching above your weight, but you’ve got to go in the ring with the same body you had at the weigh-in.”
Lesson 2. Playing T20 is the secret to everlasting youth…
Australia’s Big Bash has at times resembled a veterans’ competition this year, but having earned a surprising recall to the international side on the back of his impressive domestic form, Brad Hogg said that playing in the competition has helped him roll back the years: “It’s unbelievable. Seriously I feel like I’m 21 again,” Hogg said. “I really feel excited about where my cricket’s gone over the last month and to be honest with you it’s just a dream come true. John [Inverarity] rang me up yesterday morning and just asked me if I was right to go. He woke me up at about 7 o’clock in the morning, the old bugger, but it was just great news. I hardly slept last night. I’m just excited. It’s just like being a kid again and another Christmas present under the Christmas tree.” Let’s hope he also rolls in his tongue next time he’s on TV.
Lesson 3. … and it also takes the biscuit
If someone asked you to put together a cricket tea, you’d probably knock up a few sandwiches, bake a couple of cakes and nip down to ASDA for a family pack of pork pies. This week, however, we think we found the ultimate teatime treat… introducing, ‘20-20’ cookies. They’re ‘the choice of champions’ and full of sugar.
Lesson 4. Diamonds are a Jayawardene’s worst enemy
Mahela Jayawardene may have been reduced to carrying the drinks in Kimberely for the 4th ODI between South Africa and Sri Lanka, but he had reason to be cheerful for a non-cricketing reason. We’re forever being told that cricketers miss their families and that life on the road is tough, but there can be an up side to leaving your loved ones at home: “It’s a nice town, especially if you don’t bring your wives, because then it is a very expensive trip for you”, explained Jayawardene. A veteran of international touring, the 34-year-old wasn’t stupid enough to bring his better half to one of the world’s most famous diamond mining centres.
Lesson 5. A signed picture of Mark Ramprakash makes a good blind, but a map of England doesn’t
Having moved office shortly before Christmas, we’re yet to fully sort out all the fixtures and fittings. As I type this, Ramps (or at least a very old photo of him) is helping to keep the afternoon sun out of my eyes, however, our mammoth map of the British Isles has now been ‘released’ from sun-blocking duties, having almost killed AOC editor Phil Walker when it fell off the window sill on Tuesday. Just don’t tell his mum, she’ll be worried sick.
