Five’s cricket anchorman Mark Nicholas lays himself open to your devilishly fiendish trial by public email. Cricket’s hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ love talks big hair, deadly sins and Dave Cameron.
Article originally published in AOC 34, August 2007.


What’s your favourite sport outside of cricket? And you can’t pick bloody golf.
Tim Westingbourne

Sorry, I love golf. Sorry. It’s the only other sport that I’m remotely interested in besides cricket. I’m glued to it on the television and thoroughly enjoy it live. I’m captivated by the likes of Ballesteros and Woods – they’re irresistible viewing.

I also have a soft spot for rugby union. I played as a boy, my father played for Richmond and one of my dearest friends is Andrew Slack, who captained Australia.

In your day, having three initials, help or hindrance?
MCJ

I don’t think it made any difference, overall. When I first signed for Hampshire in 1979, the club was captained by Bob Stephenson, a rather dour Midlander who was a wicketkeeper batsman. Three initials certainly didn’t help under him for two or three years. When I was made captain of the county club in 1984, the whole three initial thing reared its head quite publicly. Senior player Trevor Jesty left the club on my appointment citing that there was no point in him staying, as he didn’t have the three letters before his surname – and that was obviously the most important criteria when captaining Hampshire. One of the pressmen rather mischievously replied that it wasn’t the case – the Honourable LH Tennyson had done the job with just two initials in the 1930s!

Obviously you’re a wine man – do you have a favourite bottle?
David Wheeler

I was given a bottle of 1961 Chateau Lynch-Bages by a very dear friend. I look forward to drinking it with a mix of anticipation and trepidation. There is always a fear with such an elderly wine that it may already have died in the bottle.

Jefford? What’s that all about?
Neil K

It’s a family name, handed down on my father’s side. My father died when I was 11 – he was Peter Jefford Nicholas.

Could you bat? I mean, really?
FerventLancsFan

That’s a very good question – could I really bat? Certainly in 1994/95, I felt I could bat. I had developed from quite a loose but natural timer of a ball into something a whole lot tighter and more resilient. In 1989, when the balls notoriously had a tractor tyre for a seam, I was the first player to 1,000 runs. I played well in 1985, in 1991/92 I was bloody ill with malaria and struggled – I should never have played at all in ’91.

Tell me one thing I definitely don’t know about you?
Kelly Birch, Cannock

No one knows the depth of love I have for my partner, Kirsten, and our daughter Leila. We are inseparable.

Do you have a best moment from your playing days and one from your new job on commentary?
Easysmiler_redball_whiteball

I scored a hundred at Lord’s for the MCC against the Australians in 1985, against an attack boasting the likes of Jeff Thomson, Geoff Lawson and Craig McDermott. The match was essentially a Test trial and I was the only player in the match who wasn’t a Test player. And as a commentator, the whole summer of 2005. The cricket was breathtaking every single day and I feel the coverage of the cricket rose to the challenge of matching it. I’m incredibly proud of the Channel 4 coverage over that summer. Undoubtedly it has been the happiest time of my professional life.

You once pleaded with a national newspaper not to describe you as a ‘cad’. Would it have been unfair if they had?
Will Quentin, Wandsworth

I think ‘pleaded’ is a bit strong. I consider myself to be exactly the opposite of a cad, in fact. As do the people that are close to me. Sir Tim Rice, we are godfathers to each other’s respective daughters, was asked about me recently by someone who didn’t know that Tim and I were so close. They asked whether I was as arrogant as I looked, and Tim was absolutely staggered by it, saying that I couldn’t be further from that. Kirsten, my partner, certainly doesn’t get it. I’d say that I’m confident and outgoing, and if that is mistaken as a weakness then… there you go.

Which is your favourite deadly sin? Pride, greed, lust, wrath, gluttony, sloth, or envy?
Eleanor_343notout

Is pride a deadly sin?

You once called Freddie Flintoff a ‘blond fluffy dog’ live on TV. Do you remember this? If so, what made you do it?
Carl Pritchard

Nonsense. I never did. I’m sorry, you need to invest in a hearing aid.

Is Bill Lawry as annoying as he sounds?
I_hate_bill_lawry!

I know where English people are coming from with Bill. But he is a wonderful man. The one thing I would say about him is that, if one trait above all is the most desirable to have in life, then I’d go for enthusiasm. Bill is such an enthusiast for the game and for life. I too consider myself an enthusiast – it doesn’t matter what you do in life if you are enthusiastic and passionate about it – I pride myself in it. Hah! Pride again! A sin…

Have you had to change your English commentary style since working for Aussie TV?
Finan Bloom, Bamber Bridge

I’ve toned it down a bit. Some of my instant responses can sound a bit over the top when taken out of context. They’ve pretty much gone now. I probably look to engage my brain before I speak more than before.

What is the best advice you could give to a budding commentator?
Sam Brooks (aged 12)

Just be yourself.

Which players get you most excited about as a commentator?
Barry Butcher, Aberdeen

Shane Warne. He’s passionate about his art and an absolute entertainer, with a special flair for showmanship. Some of the appeal is in a love/hate way. But when he retires, I suspect the game will miss him more than it ever realizes. Him not being out there will hurt cricket immensely and his impact on the game will still be felt way after he’s gone.

Do you ever prepare lines for use in commentary? (I’m thinking of terms and phrases like ‘crackerjack’, ‘Santa Maria’, ‘Hello! Massive!’ or ‘wham bam thank you man!’)
Denny B

Never ever. I don’t ever prepare anything to camera. All my link pieces are completely natural. But having said that I have nothing prepared, that doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly well researched.

Blow or towel dry?
Ginelle Griffiths, Postlands, Lincs

Towel dry, and has been the case for three years now. With my hair now cut short on the back and sides, but spiky on top, there is no need to blow dry it swept back. So there you go!

Rock ‘n’ roll or classical music – I’ve got a bet that you’re a closet teddy boy, and my mate won’t have it – what say you?
Harry Kinnolt

I’m a rock ‘n’ roller, through and through! Above all my sporting heroes sits one person – Bruce Springsteen. I am a devotee and have been all through his career. I’ve seen him live on 55 occasions and my company is called ‘Jungleland’, a favourite track from The Boss’s seminal 1975 album, Born to Run.

Will cricket ever be free-to-air again in this country, and will it damage the game in the long term if it isn’t?
Roger Price, Kent fan

I don’t know, I really don’t. We’re now not far from the digital age, when everything will be pretty well evened up. I do think that competition in the marketplace is good for the sport and good for the broadcaster – it’s very easy to get lazy in production – not trying as hard as is possible. And for a broad cross-section of the public in Britain, the fact that their TV habits are governed by them pressing the same buttons every time – some households are ITV households, others BBC, others Channel 4 – they hit the same buttons to watch the same programmes all the time. Being able to access this audience means getting the coverage onto their channels and to that end I do feel that shared broadcasting over the summer would be the preferable solution.

Is it frustrating working for Five on 45-minute highlights when you used to front a live show?
DigDeep89

Yes it is, deeply. But I do think for a potted version of events from the day’s play it does a pretty good job.

I can’t work out this David Cameron bloke at all. Should I give him my vote?
Sean Yeddo, Gloucester

The options are so frightening. I’m petrified of living in a nanny state. I’m petrified of a resurgence from the old left. Any of the options, at present, are yet to be convincing…(pause)

AOC: You’re going to vote for him, aren’t you?

I thought that Tony Blair was pretty hideous at the time…(another pause)

AOC: You are, you’re going to vote for someone who is completely unbelievable as a potential leader of this country, aren’t you?

(Another even longer pause) I fear I am. Ultimately I can stand anything but inheritance tax…