I’ve just been to the pub. ‘Lunch’ is a concept that we’ve always been philosophically opposed to at AOC, so to have been away from my desk for a whole hour, in a hostelry, with my friends was quite a big deal. It turns out, however, that a couple off pints of Guinness and a generous portion of beef stew aren’t conducive to a productive afternoon’s work. You learn something every day. Talking of which…

Lesson 1. Cricket is going duchess
First there were the Worcestershire Royals, then there were the Hampshire Royals, and now – it seems – cricket might actually be getting the real McCoy. According to a story in the Mirror today, Kate Middleton is in line to become a patron of the ECB. An insider was quoted as saying: “There isn’t a patron at the moment and it is a position the ECB is keen to create. The Duchess of Cambridge would make the ideal patron for the game because she is young, vibrant and a role model to millions.” Based on those credentials, Justin Bieber can expect to be first reserve.

Lesson 2. Mohammad Azharuddin should be the bookies’ favourite to win the next series of Celebrity Big Brother
The Times of India ran a wide-ranging and at times deeply insensitive interview with Mohammad Azharrudin this week.  Besides his active political career, it appears that Azharruddin fancies himself as a star of the silver screen: “I don’t have any inhibitions about doing TV,” said the former Indian skipper. “I am open to doing reality shows too, if something good comes. I will definitely consider such offers, though I will not do anything for the heck of it.” I can’t help thinking that cricket’s supplest wrists would be best put to use on Channel 5’s new show ‘Celebrity Massage Parlour’.

Lesson 3. You never know who might be listening to your phone call
When you work for a cricket magazine, you don’t expect your first call of the week to be from the army. So, when I answered a call from Afghanistan on Monday, I was slightly taken aback. Turns out the British army are organizing a game against the indigenous security services and they want us to cover it. Having made it quite clear that we didn’t fancy being on the frontline, we agreed, although due to security reasons, we’re not entirely sure what we agreed to. Even in these post-News of the World days, the officer I spoke to reminded me that “you never know who might be listening.” In our business you can never be too careful…

Lesson 4. Twenty20 cricket is dangerous. Very dangerous.
Concern over the increasing quantity and prevalence of Twenty20 cricket is nothing new, but it seems that former Australian batsman Dean Jones is more worried than most. Writing in the Sydney Morning Herald this week, Jones warned: “T20 cricket cannot be stopped. It is a runaway train prepared to kill everything in its way. I am not joking when I say this. If we don’t handle T20 cricket properly, it will crush everything in its way.” To quote Kent Brockman of The Simpsons fame, those are some strong, confusing words.

Lesson 5. Q. How many members of AOC editorial staff does it take to plug in a monitor? A. 4
And even then they need help from the design team. Please don’t judge us…

I had the pleasure of speaking to Mike Brearley yesterday. He, like the rest of us, has been engrossed by events in the UAE but was struggling to get his head around England’s travails against spin, and in particular those of Kevin Pietersen. “He seems to get mesmerised and often misses straight balls,” said the former England captain. “He looks for spin that might not be there and he makes a palaver of it, instead of just playing the ball – which he is so capable of doing.”

For a while, at least, it looked as though Pietersen was beginning to break free of that hypnosis and find an answer to his spin demons. His footwork showed greater intent; coming down the track to Saeed Ajmal and driving firmly to mid on before swatting his next delivery through the covers for two. Two trademark Pietersen boundaries followed in the next over from Umar Gul to take him to 25 off 26 deliveries. He was beginning to motor and there was a hint of swagger returning.

Of course, the true test was yet to come in the form of left-arm spin. Misbah-ul-Haq wasted little time in bringing Abdur Rehman into the attack, but again the signs were positive as Pietersen played authoritatively in defence – getting a good stride in and, by and large, playing with a straight bat.

He continued to play with purpose in Rehman’s second over, skipping down the track to sprint a quick single before slog sweeping the left-arm twirler for four to move on to 30 and bring up a 50 partnership with Andrew Strauss.  Was the spell beginning to break?

Unfortunately for England, the answer was no. Four overs later Rehman – England’s tormentor in the second innings at Abu Dhabi – conjured another wicket as Pietersen’s woes against southpaw spinners continued. Caught on the crease, he was rapped on the pads and Simon Taufel raised the finger. Pietersen can count himself unlucky after the subsequent review showed the ball was flicking 2.2mm of the leg stump but the angle of his bat – pointing towards mid on at the point of impact – once again demonstrated how susceptible he is against the spinners.

With Pietersen’s departure, so went England’s intent. Four overs came and went without the tourists adding to their total before the ever-vociferous Adnan Akmal fortuitously stumped Ian Bell, who had crawled his way to five off 28 balls. Eoin Morgan and Matt Prior soon followed – Morgan to the 35th lbw of the series (a new record for a three-Test series) – as England’s middle-order succumbed to spin once again.

In a low-scoring match England needed a batsman to take the game by the scruff of the neck and establish a first innings lead. For an hour, it looked as though Pietersen could be just that man. Instead England must look to their captain, who remains unbeaten on 41, and the lower-order to add vitals runs on day two and give their hugely impressive bowling attack a lead worthy of the name.

Click here to read how David Green would counter Pakistan’s spinners

Sachin Tendulkar

… is nothing short of a phenomenon and emphasising his greatness, according to Brian Viner, would be like saying “that Helen of Troy was a bit of a looker”. In international cricket he has made more runs than anyone else and scored the most centuries too. He’s also made a fair few bob. Denying that the “I-drive-a-Porsche-what-do-you-drive?” sledge ever happened, Matt Prior quite sensibly asked “Why would I say that to Tendulkar? He’s got aeroplanes.”  With amazing durability he has seen off the world’s best bowlers in a career spanning four decades with former New Zealand skipper Daniel Vettori reflecting “he has been in form longer than some of our guys have been alive.” Perhaps though, the most unequivocal judgement comes from old adversary Shane Warne. Ranking the best batsmen he bowled at, the Aussie leggie made Tendulkar a firm number one with “daylight second, Brian Lara third.” The Little Master shares the same birthday as Aussie seamer…

Damien Fleming

… who recalled playing against the Indian superstar at Sharjah on the day he turned 28 and Sachin turned 25. “I remember it flashing up on the screen that it was his birthday when he was smashing us on the field,” recalled Fleming. “When the game was about to end, it flashed up, ‘Happy birthday, Damien Fleming’, and there is nothing like being booed by 30-40k people really to make it special”. Fleming set the bar impossibly high at the start of his Test career by becoming only the third bowler, and first Aussie, to take a hat-trick on debut, at Rawalpindi. Referring to Sarfraz Nawaz’s spell of 7-1 at Melbourne in 1978/9 he commented cheerily that: “I felt a Sarfraz spell coming on, but unfortunately it stopped at three”. And so it was that despite perfectly respectable stats from 20 Tests, injury meant Fleming’s candle never burned as brightly again. The second batsman in that famous hat-trick was…

Inzamam-ul-Haq

… who did not subscribe to the trousers-on-fire approach to cricket. At times, the mercurial Pakistani gave the impression he was barely conscious, his languid batting, according to Mike Selvey, could make Marcus Trescothick’s footwork “seem like a qualification for a starring role in Riverdance”. Aamer Sohail recalls one occasion  in the slips during a warm up game in Zimbabwe when Inzamam stayed crouched long after the ball had passed. “I’m fine,” he assured his colleague, “just trying to sleep. The ball is old and reversing so there’s hardly a chance there will be any edges to snap up.” He stayed awake long enough to score 8,830 Test runs (more than Boycott, Sobers and Richards) and provided uniting charisma to the most chaotic of cricketing nations. Inzi made his Test debut on June 4, 1992 – the 66th anniversary of the death of Aussie fast bowler…

Fred Spofforth

… who was known as ‘The Demon’ by cricket fans in the late 19th century, although C.B Fry cryptically suggested that he acquired his nickname not because he was fast, but because he was “difficult”. However, W.G Grace paid the New South Walian the ultimate compliment by describing him as “terrifically fast with masterly control” and “exceedingly deceptive break-backs”, making him at times unplayable. So accurate was he, Denzil Batchelor deliciously claimed, that “if he were allowed to pour water on a space six inches square on a plum wicket he could guarantee to get England out for next to nothing”. He played in the second ever Test match in 1877 and took 94 Test scalps in all (all English) at an average of just 18. His red-letter day came at The Oval in 1882 when England’s crashing defeat precipitated the famous obituary “in affectionate memory of English Cricket”. His first innings 7-46 was followed by 7-44 in the second, and as Batchelor laments, “but for him the term ‘the Ashes’ might never have come into the currency of everyday language….Oh Spofforth, what did you do to us ?” He died in 1926, the same year as the birth of…

Polly Umrigar

… who, apart from Vinoo Mankad, is the only Indian to score a century and bag five wickets in an innings in the same Test, achieving the milestone against West Indies at Port of Spain in 1962. A wholehearted and vigorous cricketer, he enjoyed hitting sixes; the Caribbean crowds loved him and dubbed him the “Palm Tree Hitter”. He had a soft side though – roommates on tour told how he slept with his wife’s sari under his pillow. He retired with a splendid Test record of 3,621 runs, 12 centuries and 35 wickets, mostly taken when his team needed them most. As an administrator he was equally distinguished and when he died in 2006, umpire Piloo Reporter sadly noted, “the palm tree has fallen”. Ravi Shastri described Umrigar as “the finest human being among cricketers I’ve known”. Apt then, that a trophy bearing his name is presented by the BCCI to the outstanding Indian cricketer each year. In 2011 that honour went to… Sachin Tendulkar!

Click here to read Following On: From Botham To Botham

Nothing moistens the tear ducts of the sporting idealist quite like watching their heroes leave the scene. The romantic fan desires to see these strapping vessels of hope depart on a wave of love, blowing air kisses to the cheap seats and waltzing back through the curtain to strains of ‘encore, encore’, only resurfacing some time later, oxygen-starved and a bit flabbier, to be unveiled as Sky Sports’ latest biggest big-name big signing. (Years ago, of course, our fading dream-weavers did the decent thing and opened a pub. Now they talk to the pub through a dish while sweating in a suit beneath a ruddy cake of orange make-up. This is known as progress.)

But sporting life these days, with all its money grief and time hassles, feels more kitchen-sink realism than flighty romance, more Shane Meadows than Mills & Boon. It’s the sentiment of the bottom line. ‘The results business’, as they call it.

So the moments when a sportsman, and let’s narrow this down to a cricketer, gets to choose his own farewell script and get his lines down pat are few and far between. There was Nasser Hussain’s fist-pumping farewell salute (two parts triumph to one part I-told-you-so) at the end of a Lord’s Test in which he’d brought up his hundred with the match-winning shot. Coming at the end of a tough career, the moment bookended his story with a rare kind of emotional triumphalism. Boy, they said, did he deserve it. And boy, he did.

But then what of his successor, Michael Vaughan? No less deserving, he finished up in tears at a press conference, the game’s vicissitudes having overtaken his will to fight on. The story of Vaughan – and of Michael Atherton before him, who finished in classic style, nicking off to McGrath and trudging off with quiet dignity – resonates far more powerfully than Nasser’s.

Sure, it can be brutal. Take Matthew Hoggard. The most successful England Test bowler of the last two decades was dumped somewhere in New Zealand after an abject batting collapse prompted the selectors to axe a bowler. He never returned. Nor did a part of his spirit. That’s it, was the message. Thanks for your time. Now move along, if you don’t mind. Hoggard was still smarting a year later.

For Hoggard, read Ashley Giles, never to be seen again after the trauma of Adelaide in 2006. Mark Butcher? Never actually dropped, just injured for a bit, after which the team found someone else. And what about Duncan Fletcher? The man who many regard as the chief architect of England’s renaissance hounded out at the end of that 2006/07 winter following a grim Ashes and World Cup campaign. Thanks for the forward press, and the shades, and 2005, and reverse swing, and that gaggle of batsmen who hang on your every utterance. Toodlepip!

And now we’ve got India’s fans choosing between sentiment and reality for the simple reason that their own icons are facing the old Roy Harper test. When to go, and how?

All those fans who envisioned a garlanded ticker-tape procession for their ageing dreamboats have had to adjust to the horrid truth that India have lost their last eight Tests, and that suddenly – for it does happen, just like that – the holy trinity of VVS Laxman, Rahul Dravid and, yes, even Mr Tendulkar, risk stinking up the place if they hang around much longer. In the land of the lone superstar, the old adage that no man is bigger than the team has had to be considered anew; in the meantime, the rest of the world joins India in praying for a rightful send-off. That they deserve one is a given. But do we expect it? Of course not! Cricket answers to no one.

So it’s no surprise when AOC’s office raises a stubbie of flat VB to Ricky Ponting’s mini-renaissance. Punter talks of the 2013 Ashes as if he’s setting a date with the reaper himself. Revenge and closure propels him forward. And we want it. We want him to see it out, to get to England next year, to walk out one last time.  And we want him to hit a hundred at The Oval on the last day and go out to a standing ovation, with his bat raised to every corner of England. But do we want that hundred to win Australia that series? Do me a favour. No one’s that romantic.

Click here for the first in our new online series, Confessions of a Statistician. You’ll never look at a scorer the same way again…

England batting coach and Professional Cricketers’ Association ambassador  Graham Gooch (who happens to have scored more runs than anyone in the history of the game, ever) leads an all-star line-up that also includes Ali Brown, Paul Nixon, John Emburey and Alex Tudor – and they’ll all be put through their paces in the game’s most comprehensive bat review.

Joining our illustrious quintet will be competition winner Rob Townsend of Mansfield Hosiery Mills CC in the Nottinghamshire Premier League, who’ll have the experience of a lifetime by mixing it with the very best at the Home of Cricket.

Look out for the results of the Gear Test in issue 91 of AOC – in shops on April 5 – and video footage of the day right here on the website.

Tomorrow sees England take on Pakistan in the third of a trio of desert Tests that have been anything but sweet for the Three Lions. In fact, two abject defeats have left a rather unsavoury taste in the mouth for the Andys, Flower and Strauss, and once again called into question the team’s collective approach to slow bowling.

It is clear that if England are to compete in Dubai – where they failed to make 200 in either innings last month – they must make some changes. Less so in personnel, although it is possible that Ravi Bopara will be given another chance at Test level at the expense of Eoin Morgan, than in the methods for negotiating the combined threat of Mohammad Hafeez, Abdur Rehman and the irrepressible Saeed Ajmal, who last week became the fastest Pakistani to reach 100 Test wickets.

Perhaps ‘negotiating’ is the wrong word. England’s passive approach in the second innings at Abu Dhabi (chillingly reminiscent of that terrible day in Adelaide four years ago) was rightly pinpointed as the key reason for the dramatic collapse that sealed the series, and it has become patently clear that attack will be the best form of defence for a top six that has had little success attempting to play from the crease.

Ideally we would see the likes of Andrew Strauss, Ian Bell and Kevin Pietersen (best not tinker with the quirky Cook and Trott, eh?) use their feet considerably more than we have seen in the first two Tests, although this may be deemed a risky tactic against the likes of Ajmal and Rehman, who use flight sparingly to say the least. However, there is no reason why England’s batsmen (particular the four lefties in the top seven) can’t sweep more against Rehman, who has fewer tricks up his sleeve than Ajmal.

More generally, getting on the front foot (rather than playing from the crease) will massively decrease the chances of another slew of lbws, and – hopefully – negate whatever spin Pakistan’s bowlers are able to extract. Most of all, however, I’d like to see more of England’s batsmen take the aerial route. Perhaps a fun thing to say in a Test match preview, but we’re yet to see how Pakistan’s bowlers react to the sort of pressure that only big-hitting and fast scoring creates.

Recommended bet

However England perform with the bat (and here’s hoping things can’t get any worse) they will still have their work cut out to force the win that would add respectability to the final analysis of a sobering series. Not least because it looks like Pakistan will add extra batting strength to their XI. The second seamer hasn’t really been used in either game, with Junaid Khan a virtual spectator at Abu Dhabi, so, being ahead in the series, they might well see fit to bolster their batting. If they opt for this approach, Umar Akmal could come in – and he could be the perfect addition, as he will give Pakistan some extra attacking flare of their own.

England’s bowlers have been good so far (that hasn’t been the problem) but their task would grow harder if faced with a longer batting line-up. Whatever way you look at it, England are up against it to prevent a first series whitewash in four years.

That said, current match odds on Betfair suggest there is very little between the teams, seemingly based as much on England’s long-term as short-term form. With this in mind there may be value in laying the draw at 3.65. These days, few Tests end in a stalemate and in this series both sides have been susceptible to collapses.

For all the latest odds check out www.betfair.com

To celebrate that fact, we’ve put our heads together and come up with a list of our 50 most loved cricketers, which we’ll be running down over the next 50 weeks. We’ll be recalling the heyday of each of our chosen few with the help of the Wisden Almanack by reminiscing over the year they were named Wisden Cricketer of the Year.

To kick things off, we’ve picked out the finest gloveman of his generation and one of the game’s great characters.

Jack Russell – Wisden Cricketer of the Year in 1990

Published in the 1990 Wisden Almanack

At the beginning of 1989, Jack Russell had played only one Test for England and was not considered a good enough batsman to merit a place in the one-day squad to face the Australians. By the end of the year he was the only Englishman who could justifiably expect a place in anyone’s World XI.

In the course of a summer of England mediocrity on the field, and damaging South African recruitment off it, Russell sailed serenely through the storm, proving he could reproduce his supreme wicketkeeping performances for Gloucestershire in the intensity of Test cricket. He was one of only two ever-presents in the England side (the other was the captain, David Gower), and when he went to India for the Nehru Cup in October – now as one of the old hands in the new-look squad – Russell was outstanding. In the most demanding of conditions, he demonstrated that in one-day cricket as much as in Test cricket, a team needs its best gloveman behind the stumps. Russell was in a class of his own in the six-nation tournament, and in the space of six months he had, quite simply, established himself as the best wicketkeeper in the world.

Yet, as is often the case with the best – and Russell is, believe many experts, in the Knott/Taylor class – his work goes unnoticed until the rare fumble. The irony of Russell’s year was that it was his batting, a weakness which had delayed his England selection by at least a year, that brought England’s supporters to their feet during a summer when they spent most of the time sat glumly with not even a rain-cloud to provide relief. They did not have many opportunities to feel pride, but Russell the batsman produced at least a few.

Early arrivals on the first day of the second Test at Lord’s might have noticed a curious sight at the Nursery End nets. A group of MCC groundstaff boys were hurling scarlet plastic balls at an England cricketer from 15 yards. For 20 minutes, Russell did not play a shot. He simply ducked and swerved, avoiding each delivery. The Australians had decided in the first Test that the left-handed Russell was vulnerable – plain scared, if you like – to anything bowled short and fast at the body. Russell, with Alan Knott as his adviser, was determined to work it out, and subjected himself to a trial by teenagers which many of his colleagues would have found demeaning.

He also decided that the best response to the verbal bouncers he was getting from the Australian close-fielders while he batted was to answer back in good, old-fashioned Anglo-Saxon. Jack, 5ft 8in and 9st 8lb with his boots on, gave the startled Aussies an earful as well as his best shots. And in the process he salvaged England’s first innings with an undefeated 64. “That day I played the most important innings of my career. I crossed a mental bridge,” says Russell. “They tried the short-pitched bowling and I coped, they tried all the verbals and I had a go back. You know, they didn’t say another word to me out in the middle all series.”

Russell gripped on to his advantage like a terrier with a bone. In the next Test, at Edgbaston, he was the second-highest scorer in England’s first innings with 42, and then up at Old Trafford for the fourth Test came his greatest moment – on a day that became known as Ash Tuesday for English cricket. England were in the throes of surrendering the Ashes amid the turmoil caused by the announcement of Mike Gatting’s rebel party for South Africa, three of whom were sitting in the England dressing-room at the time.

Russell had gone to the crease the previous day with the scoreboard reading 38-5 and an innings defeat looking a certainty. It seemed hopeless, but Russell played one of the gutsiest innings you are likely to see. For almost six hours he held up Australia’s celebrations by scoring 128 not out, his maiden century, not only in Test cricket but in all cricket. It was an achievement matched by only one other Englishman this century, Billy Griffith against West Indies in 1947/48; it was a great, and almost matchsaving, achievement. And yet it scarcely received the acknowledgement it deserved amid the rest of the day’s news. To Jack, however, it meant the earth.

He had come so close to his maiden century on his Test début 11 months earlier when he went in as night-watchman against a Sri Lankan bowling attack that was not up to county standard. He edged to 94, and when he got himself out he thought then that his chance of a Test hundred would forever elude him. When he reached 94 again at Manchester, he seized up with nerves. “Those six runs seemed to take six hours. I didn’t know what was going on around me, he recalls. I didn’t care about South Africa or the Ashes for a while, I had tunnel vision. Afterwards, the disappointment of losing another Test and the Ashes outweighed any personal satisfaction, and I don’t think my achievement sunk in until a couple of days later when I walked out for a match at Jesmond and the crowd gave me a standing ovation and started to cheer.” Russell finished the Ashes series as England’s third most successful batsman with 314 runs and an average of 39.25.

Robert Charles (Jack) Russell was born in Stroud on August 15, 1963. He played cricket for his local comprehensive school and at Stroud Cricket Club with his father, John. As captain of the boys’ team, young Jack – he has always been Jack – gave himself the honour of opening the batting and bowling. Then, two days before his 14th birthday, he saw a catch on television that changed his life. “McCosker … caught Knott … bowled Greig, Headingley ’77.” He reels it off as if it were yesterday. “Low down, one handed, across first slip. Brilliant. I thought then that I would like to be able to do that. That’s where it started, that was the inspiration.”

Russell was soon a boy among men in Stroud’s first team alongside his father, and within four years he was keeping wicket for Gloucestershire’s first team. Derbyshire’s England wicketkeeper of the time, Bob Taylor, soon saw a like spirit and talent in the quiet, slight lad with the West Country accent and gave Russell all the help he could. More recently Knott had turned from being boyhood hero to friend and adviser, helping Russell toughen his mental approach for the five-day game, whether keeping or batting.

Like Knott, Russell, in his floppy white hat and taped-up pads, looks as dishevelled as a truant schoolboy behind the stumps, but he is immaculate in his preparation and work. He has the fitness of a jump jockey and the finesse of a fencer. And like most wicketkeepers – as with goalkeepers in soccer – he is cheerfully self-contained: an independent spirit in a team game. He eats nothing but steak and chips on tour – not always easy in the likes of Nagpur and Gwalior – and when he wants to relax, it is not with the headphones and lager can to which most of his colleagues turn. Rather it is an adventure out into the local surroundings, whether that be the tranquil banks of the Severn in Worcester or the teeming shanty towns of Bombay, sketchbook, pencil and camera in hand.

Russell had discovered a penchant for drawing, and the hobby he took up to pass the time on rain-affected English summer afternoons has become a second profession. His work has created such an impression that he has had books published and his work exhibited in a London gallery. Jack Russell, the ‘keeper with drawing power.

© John Wisden & Co

First published in 1864, The Wisden Almanack is still recognised throughout the cricket world as the definitive recorder of the game. Click here to buy the 2011 edition of the Wisden Almanack

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Swanny In A Spin! also features England’s more recent escapades, including a certain World Cup game against Ireland, glass-shattering happenings at Lord’s, the Three Lions’ whitewashing of India last summer and, of course, England’s historic Ashes win in Australia. Naturally, Swanny has one or two things to say about the old foe – expect sledging at its finest!

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The Stone Roses have done it. So have the Inspiral Carpets. And now the Happy Mondays have put aside their musical differences, Zimmer frames and freedom passes and announced their reformation along with a clutch of new tour dates and festival appearances.

Critics will doubtless claim these bands have no chance of recapturing their former glory and that reforming is a cynical ploy to rake in some dough – and they’re probably right. But as I peeked out from behind the sofa and watched on in anguish as England turned what should have been a very gettable run-chase into the equivalent of an ascent on Everest without oxygen, Sherpas or a discernible plan, I pondered how reformation, renewal and even resurrection would look if applied to the current England batting unit.

Even Andy Flower confessed that England’s batsmen look all at sea against quality spin in Asia, and the stats support him. In matches against India, Sri Lanka and Pakistan in Asia, Kevin Pietersen averages just 29.54 from 13 Tests, Ian Bell 31.60 from the same number of games and Andrew Strauss 35.35 from nine Tests – with only Alastair Cook (40.64 from nine Tests) of the current top six having a creditable average. Jonathan Trott and Eoin Morgan are experiencing their first taste of Test cricket in Asia on this tour – it’s not been a pleasant one.

For Morgan it has proved particularly painful, with Geoff Boycott commenting that, “when he comes in, I daren’t go for a pee because I know I’ll miss him”.  England’s limited-overs supremo might suffer the axe after his struggles but his replacement Ravi Bopara faced a nightmare of his own against Sri Lanka’s spinners in 2007, leaving England with a headache ahead of two Asian tours before the turn of the year with no aspirin in sight.

So, back to our theme of reformation, renewal and resurrection. Given the chance, which former England batsmen would we restore to their prime to take the place of England’s top six for the third Test in Dubai and the rest of their Asian adventures in 2012? Having waved the magic wand, I’ve come up with the following:

1) Marcus Trescothick
Test record in Asia against India, Sri Lanka and Pakistan: 15 Tests, 1,100 runs @ 37.93
Other England openers have better records in Asia, but the Somerset skipper’s ability to attack the spinners proved a boon on England’s last triumphant tours of Asia to Pakistan and Sri Lanka in 2000/01 and would surely counter the inertia witnessed in the second innings in Abu Dhabi.

2) Geoff Boycott
8 Tests, 706 runs @ 58.83
Picking Boycs would not only get him out of the commentary box, but his dour accumulation and the fact he is a right-hander would be the perfect complement to Trescothick’s aggression. In any case, he’s told TMS listeners he could take runs off Saeed Ajmal and co with a stick of rhubarb; imagine what he could do with a bat!

3) David Gower
16 Tests, 1,138 runs @ 56.90
Starred against Pakistan’s legspin maestro Abdul Qadir in the 80s and another former great who could teach the current crop a thing or two about batting positively against high-class spin with a top-drawer sweep shot and the ability to play the ball as late as possible.

4) Ken Barrington
8 Tests, 903 runs @ 90.30
No England batsman in history can match his average or tally of four hundreds in Asia and, like Misbah-ul-Haq, Barrington understood that if you are going to block, you need to do so with purpose so as not to relinquish the initiative to the bowler.

5) Graham Thorpe
10 Tests, 821 runs @ 48.29
The Surrey left-hander mastered Muralitharan in his own backyard and almost single-handedly led England to a famous series win in 2001. When boundaries were scarce, Thorpe understood the importance of maneuvering singles to keep the scoreboard ticking over.

6) Ian Botham
9 Tests, 599 runs @ 49.91, 35 wickets @ 26.31
Not only would his bowling ensure England could always play two spinners in Asia, but he’d also have the opportunity to reprise one of the greatest all-round performances in the history of the game. In the Golden Jubilee Test of 1980 against India, Beefy took 6-58 and 7/48, and smashed 114 for good measure, as England won by an innings.

Whimsy though this is, this top six and the four-man bowling attack that performed so well in Abu Dhabi would finally leave England with a team capable of beating Asia’s big three in their own backyard. In their absence England fans will have to put up with more chastening defeats before the year has run its course unless the current batting unit can find an answer to their spin demons.

David Green is the warped mind behind The Reverse Sweep cricket blog and regards Douglas Jardine as his ultimate cricket hero. You can follow David on Twitter @TheReverseSweep

Click here to read David’s account of Pakistan’s rollercoaster ride

Last weekend saw the first of three Cricket Resource Show events currently touring the country. There are loads of exhibitors: equipment retailers, coaching providers, gadget manufacturers. And they’re all showing off all their latest stuff, even giving you the chance to have a go with it. With all sorts of cricket-related paraphernalia knocking around, it’s a potentially tantalising prospect for the gear tragics among you.

After the first show at The Oval, there’s another this Saturday February 4 at Edgbaston, and the third at Headingley the following weekend, Saturday February 11.

If you do decide to make the trip, one ‘stall’ you’re unlikely to miss is that of PitchVision, given that it’s basically a whole cricket net. And it’s showing off a fascinating new training technology – not one just for England’s backroom staff but for any club or school side.

Basically it uses a range of sensors – one placed near the bowler, one on a specially designed pitch mat, and some at the stumps – to track each ball delivered. Instantaneously feeding the results into a laptop, it records the pace, trajectory, and movement off the surface for each delivery. It can also show a batsman’s shots to each ball: predicting where the ball would have gone, and, because you can set a field on the computer, the likely outcome. It really does look pretty clever, and potentially adds a whole level of intensity (and usefulness) to batting and bowling in the nets; allowing you to recreate match scenarios and learn more about your game from practice (rather than just running up, having a bowl and a hit, then going home). Might at least be worth a look, and you could have a go yourself at one of the upcoming shows. Check out the video for a full explanation:

For a full list of exhibitors take a look at the Cricket Resource Show website.

There’s still time to enter our competition to have the chance to join a host of ex-international players hitting balls at Lord’s in the AOC Gear Test 2012.

Ten years Strauss’ junior, Rory Hamilton-Brown has already made waves as a leader. In conversation with Ed Kemp, the youngest captain in England reflects on the unique challenges of fronting up a county outfit. We also take a look at the science behind the art, and the support systems in place for the 21st century general, while Bob Willis gives his considered opinion on the pscychology and practicalities of leadership.

Elsewhere, it’s out with old and in with the new as Steven Finn takes over from Jimmy Anderson as our new diarist (trust us, his first effort is a belter) and we celebrate the end of one year and the start of another with ‘AOC’s Big Fat Quiz of 2011’. Needless to say, we’ve got some great prizes up for grabs – including a bat worth £380!

Back on the pitch, we rejoice in the impressive resilience of Misbah-ul-Haq’s Pakistan, and cautiously analyse the resurgence of Australia by speaking to four Aussies in the know, including Ashes winner Darren Lehmann. We’re not worried… honest.

Adding meat to the bones, the great Tony Cozier remembers the good old days of West Indian cricket, Alastair Cook does his best to keep his dignity while answering our 10 (infamous) questions and editor Phil Walker faces up to the fire and brimstone of… Joe Denly.

Just for good measure we’ve thrown in some considered analysis on the spot-fixing controversy, thrown on this year’s finest cricket shirts and had a drink with Sir Ian Botham. It’s another beefy issue…

All Out Cricket Issue 89 is in all good newsagents from February 2. Click here to save yourself a walk.

Buckinghamshire v Staffordshire
Milton Keynes
June 9-10, 1999

I’d been having a few problems. There were hassles at work and I was scoring too much. Binge scoring. Sometimes I’d do six games in a day, just drifting from one to another with my scorebook and Marlboros. It didn’t matter who was playing. I just needed the rush of a good score.

Things were getting out of hand, and then my wife told me to lay off it or she’d look elsewhere. But I couldn’t stop. The first thing that goes is trust, and I began lying to her, telling her I was in the pub, the bookies, the massage parlour, anywhere that wasn’t a cricket match.

This day I’d snuck off to Milton Keynes. Staffs v Bucks in a two-dayer. I’d told her I was off to Center Parcs. So I’m sitting there, book and a fag, scoring away. No danger.

Then the other scorer, a young bloke with a smart book and a well-leaded pencil, gets a call on his phone and leaves the box. Five minutes later I’m hearing giggles from behind the scorebox.

Ignore it, I say. Head down, good scoring. Another noise, more like a gasp this time. I can’t deal with this, so in the drinks break I go to investigate. And there she is, my wife, leg hitched, in a clinch with the other scorer!

Well, what you do? I lost it. The red mist took over. By the time I got back to the scorebox play had resumed and I’d missed SF Stanway’s fourth wicket. I felt sick.

The events of that nightmare day still haunt me. From that moment I resolved to get my life in order.

I’ve not missed a ball since.

As news reached my ears of the scheduling of the 2012 Friends Life t20 competition, I struggled to hide my consternation at some of the proposed 7.30pm start times. Clearly a move made with corporate punters in mind, one cannot help but think that the decision-makers are somewhat missing the point of this competition.

Cricket, like any other sport, relies on popularity amongst the younger members of society in order to prosper and safeguard its future. That means accommodating their needs. As we know, youngsters like to see action and entertainment. For those with a shorter attention span, and perhaps less of an appreciation of the finer subtleties of the game of cricket, that means two things: boundaries and wickets, which is where Twenty20 cricket really comes in to its own.

Why the English cricketing bureaucracy have decided to start certain domestic Twenty20 matches at 7.30pm – a move which effectively rules out hundreds of families from attending those games – is anyone’s guess. With fixtures concluding at almost 11pm, far too late for school children, it is clear that little thought was given to the next generation of potential cricket fans and players, and such a situation stinks of pandering to corporate demands. Money, it would seem, is still very much king.

The argument that a 5.30pm start can be too early simply doesn’t wash, particularly when you consider that the original marketing strategy for Twenty20 cricket was that the early starts and early finishes were ideal for families with children. For local corporate groups planning to attend, 5.30pm should give sufficient time to arrive at the ground and buy that first pint before a ball has been bowled.

If it doesn’t then that is unfortunate, but is more than made up for by the grounds being packed with families and youngsters, thus allowing for the next generation to become engrossed with the sport in its simplest format, and sowing the seeds that will hopefully grow to see them come to appreciate the sport in its purest sense: Test cricket.

As one fellow cricket enthusiast said to me, “today’s youngsters are tomorrow’s aficionados.” By placing corporate needs above those of youngsters, the hierarchy may just be removing tomorrow from the equation. Twenty20 provides the perfect platform from which to launch a youngster’s eventual undying interest in all formats of the sport, but judging by this news it may soon not be fit for purpose.

It is understandable that counties will be looking to maximise income from participation in the Twenty20 competition, given that it is the most lucrative in what is a barren wasteland of monetary opportunities, and corporate entertainment is one effective way of doing so. As one Lord’s member noted, however, the 6pm starts in the Twenty20 competition last year were ideal both in the interests of corporate entertainment and enabling spectators to depart the venue at a reasonable hour; evidence, if needed, that corporate and family entertainment can co-exist.

Click here to follow Andrew on Twitter.

All Out Cricket has teamed up with sports forum 606 v2 to discuss the game with thousands of like-minded cricket fans. For friendly, informed debate, check out 606 v2 today.

The No.1 ranking

Since September, barely a moment has gone by without some reference to England’s recent ascension to the summit of the world rankings; it would be a shame for them to be knocked from their perch so quickly. But that’s exactly what could happen, if things go wrong again in Dubai. Failing to win the third Test, in conjunction with a 3-0 win for South Africa in New Zealand in March, would see the Proteas take top spot. That would constitute quite an early blow for Mission: Stay No.1.

Individual places

Most of the side in Abu Dhabi has plenty of credit in the bank, but certain individuals might feel they are playing for their future. Eoin Morgan, in particular, looks vulnerable with scores of 24, 14, 3 and 0 in the series so far – and indeed might wonder whether he will make Friday’s team sheet at all, with Ravi Bopara waiting for a chance. If England (as I suspect they will) stick with Morgan for one more go, it could be his last for a while if he doesn’t perform. Meanwhile, success for Bopara should he get the chance could cement him in the side for the forthcoming one-dayers and at No.6 for the Sri Lanka Tests in March and April. Jos Buttler’s remarkable run of form for the Lions makes him a likely call for the soon-to-follow ODIs in UAE, heaping more pressure on those batsmen who still play 50-over cricket but have had a tough month in the Test team. Morgan’s travails could even tempt the hastening of a move to five bowlers, if Bresnan is deemed a competent enough No.7 when he returns to fitness for the Sri Lanka series. Certainly, it will be hard to drop any of the bowlers, and if Monty has another stormer in Dubai there will be tough choices to make when the Test squad reconvenes in Galle.

Reputation against spin

They have been familiar frailties, against spin on Asian wickets: ones we suspected this table-topping team might wear less obviously than their forebears. If they come away with nothing after such a brazen display of susceptibility to quality twirlymen in such conditions, it could scar another generation of England teams.

To save face to the world (especially the Aussies)

The Aussies are going well: they’ve matched England’s home whitewash of India, they feel like they’re a pretty good side again, and to top it all off the Poms are losing meekly in foreign climes. The Aussies think the cricket world has returned to its natural order. With a result in Dubai, England can at least remind them of some of the brutally effective runscoring pedigree that contributed to their Ashes drubbing just over a year ago.

A hard-earned win

Not only is it important for England to confront some demons and put the first two Tests behind them, there would be much to be said for a victory in the present circumstances. There’s been some classic cricket played so far and winning the third Test against a confident Pakistan side, even with the series gone, would be an achievement worth celebrating. It would require skill, and as Andy Flower has said, courage.

In short, this final Test is far from a dead rubber.

Click here to read Sam Stow’s sideways look at the last week in cricket.

AOC’s annual survey is the chance for every one of you to put forward your views on the state of the game, the state of our magazine (be gentle!) and generally, what you love and hate about cricket.

And this year we’ve made things even easier. No one likes spending half-an-hour filling in a questionnaire, so we’ve split the 2012 survey into bite-size chunks, starting, this month, with a few questions about the recreational game.

Every time you complete one of the surveys, you’ll be entered into the Cricket Report Prize Draw prize draw. The more surveys you complete, the more chance you’ve got of winning, so be sure to check the mag every month for details of the latest set of questions.

As usual, we’ll be presenting the results in their entirety at the end of the summer, and remember – it’s all up to you!

*** Click here to complete Part 1 of the Cricket Report 2012 ***

Well Driven

Don Bradman teaches some young Aussie rapscallions about the virtues of road safety by nearly running one of them over in this charming public safety warning from 1948.

Pup Traps Watto Plum In Front

Some rare footage this. For this, ladies and gentleman, is the only video on record of Shane Watson being hit on the leg bang in front of the stumps and not asking for an umpire review. The fact that he was fielding at the time might have had something to do it.

Stick That In Your Pipe And Smoke It

Cheam’s finest and Chap-Hop pioneer Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer tells it like it is on the means streets and cricket pitches of Surrey, in his own inimitable style.

Click here for a look at last week’s Caught On Camera

If you’ve come across any videos that have tickled your fancy or funnybone and reckon they’d fit the bill for Caught On Camera, send your suggestions to comments@alloutcricket.com

Still just 21, the Sydney-born seamer is now the spearhead of the Commonwealth Bank Southern Stars’ pace attack and played a key role as Australia defeated New Zealand to win the Rose Bowl ODI trophy; reaffirming her position as  one of the highest ranked bowlers in world cricket in the process.

In this short film, Perry talks about her motivation to continue the proud tradition of Australian cricket and make her own mark on the game.

Click here to watch a video interview with Australian captain Jodie Fields

And just like that it was over. No, not England’s second innings against Pakistan in Abu Dhabi, but the guts of the Australian cricket season. On the same day that Australia completed a series whitewash over India, the Big Bash also reached a conclusion with Sydney Sixers’ victory over Perth Scorchers.

Of course, that isn’t really the end – there’s the obligatory mishmash of international ODIs and the domestic game will move on from the Twenty20 competition to its less glamorous day job of Sheffield Shield cricket – but the “cricketathon” that has seen my girlfriend struggle to comprehend just how much cricket one man can watch has now been reduced to a level that she can just about get her head around.

There has been something of symmetry to the storylines in the Test series and the Big Bash. While India’s batting stars are being accused of being over the hill, Australia’s victories have been based heavily on the renaissance of a man of whom the same was being said six months ago. And Ricky Ponting – who averaged 108 in the series – has been ably supported by a fellow wrinkly Mike Hussey at over 58 (his average not his age).

Meanwhile, a quick rundown of the best players in the Big Bash includes spin seniors Stuart MacGill, Shane Warne and Brad Hogg, who has remarkably forced his way back into Australia’s Twenty20 side at the age of 40. With the bat, my new favourite Aussie Brad Hodge starred, Matty Hayden scored plenty and the most successful international import was Herschelle Gibbs. This, it seems, is indeed a country for old men – as long as they aren’t Indian.

Undoubtedly there are some great young prospects in Australian cricket – James Pattinson, Pat Cummins and Dave Warner are enough to excite anyone, the improvement in Peter Siddle and Ben Hilfenhaus has been remarkable and the form of skipper Michael Clarke has been awesome. But the batting strength has been largely reliant on a couple of old timers, and bringing a 40-year-old into the Twenty20 team suggests something is missing.

But in the opinion of the Aussie press, the only thing missing is another Ashes series. 503. Apparently that’s how many days until Australia get the chance to play England again in Test cricket. The Australian performance combined with England’s demise in the UAE has seen them forget about recent history and they’re now confident of reclaiming the urn, Clarke is the best batsman on the planet and they possess the most lethal bowling attack in the world. In short, they believe they’re ready for England.

But there is so much hyperbole. Such an assessment conveniently ignores a top three that failed on numerous occasions against a toothless bowling attack, the fact their keeper is struggling with both bat and gloves and that Warner – as astonishing as his innings was at Perth – appears to have an Achilles heel in the form of spin bowling.

Australia are without doubt a better side than the one that got trounced by England a year ago but there is plenty of work still to be done. To be fair to Clarke, there has been no tub-thumping from him. He’s safe in the knowledge that the Aussies are on the up, but realistic enough to know they are far from world-beaters. At some point he’ll be hoping to share a matchwinning stand with someone who’s his junior. For now though, Australia are just thankful to their old guard.

Paul Winslow is a freelance journalist based in Melbourne. Check out more of his work at www.thewinslowboy.com.au

To say this week has been busy would be an understatement. The AOC was a hive of activity on Monday and Tuesday as we prepared to send another issue of The World’s Best Cricket Magazine™ to print, and then of course we had plenty of drinking to do in the aftermath. Throw in three days of gripping Test cricket, and you understand why I’ve barely had time to even write this column. Mercifully, I’ve managed…

Lesson 1. Shane Warne is good at bowling, but bad at being Australian
He’s got more hair, less fat and a lovely lady on his arm, but it seems that Shane Warne’s newfound happiness hasn’t met with public approval. This week saw cricket’s most famous blond named ‘Un-Australian of the Year’ by the Australian incarnation of lad’s mag Zoo. “Warnie’s woeful makeover had sealed the deal,” said editor of Zoo, Tim Keen. “He’s a bloke who went from eating baked beans to being the same colour as them. He looks like Teri Hatcher’s stunt double. We’re all for punching above your weight, but you’ve got to go in the ring with the same body you had at the weigh-in.”

Lesson 2. Playing T20 is the secret to everlasting youth…
Australia’s Big Bash has at times resembled a veterans’ competition this year, but having earned a surprising recall to the international side on the back of his impressive domestic form, Brad Hogg said that playing in the competition has helped him roll back the years: “It’s unbelievable. Seriously I feel like I’m 21 again,” Hogg said. “I really feel excited about where my cricket’s gone over the last month and to be honest with you it’s just a dream come true. John [Inverarity] rang me up yesterday morning and just asked me if I was right to go. He woke me up at about 7 o’clock in the morning, the old bugger, but it was just great news. I hardly slept last night. I’m just excited. It’s just like being a kid again and another Christmas present under the Christmas tree.” Let’s hope he also rolls in his tongue next time he’s on TV.

Lesson 3. … and it also takes the biscuit
If someone asked you to put together a cricket tea, you’d probably knock up a few sandwiches, bake a couple of cakes and nip down to ASDA for a family pack of pork pies. This week, however, we think we found the ultimate teatime treat… introducing, ‘20-20’ cookies. They’re ‘the choice of champions’ and full of sugar.

Lesson 4. Diamonds are a Jayawardene’s worst enemy
Mahela Jayawardene may have been reduced to carrying the drinks in Kimberely for the 4th ODI between South Africa and Sri Lanka, but he had reason to be cheerful for a non-cricketing reason. We’re forever being told that cricketers miss their families and that life on the road is tough, but there can be an up side to leaving your loved ones at home: “It’s a nice town, especially if you don’t bring your wives, because then it is a very expensive trip for you”, explained Jayawardene. A veteran of international touring, the 34-year-old wasn’t stupid enough to bring his better half to one of the world’s most famous diamond mining centres.

Lesson 5. A signed picture of Mark Ramprakash makes a good blind, but a map of England doesn’t
Having moved office shortly before Christmas, we’re yet to fully sort out all the fixtures and fittings. As I type this, Ramps (or at least a very old photo of him) is helping to keep the afternoon sun out of my eyes, however, our mammoth map of the British Isles has now been ‘released’ from sun-blocking duties, having almost killed AOC editor Phil Walker when it fell off the window sill on Tuesday. Just don’t tell his mum, she’ll be worried sick.

India are probably ready to leave Australia already, but at least the torment of the Test series is over, and they now have the chance to do what they failed to do in England last summer: win a game.

The visitors looked unathletic and uninspired during the four five-day contests, but there appears to be far more menace in their T20 ranks. The addition of Suresh Raina (also an excellent fielder) and Rohit Sharma adds explosive batting to the middle-order, while the presence of Ravichandran Ashwin and Ravindra Jadeja means that the visitors have plenty of spin options.

Australia’s squad is an extraordinary mix of veterans and rookies, with the likes of Brett Lee, Mike Hussey and 40-year-old Brad Hogg mixing it alongside James Faulkner and Mitchell Marsh (whose combined ages only just trump Hogg).

With Travis Birt, Aaron Finch and Victoria’s highly-rated keeper-batsman Matthew Wade also included, the Australian public will be seeing plenty of new faces this week, while new skipper George Bailey looks to have a tough job on his hands, as he tries to get the best out of himself and his new look team in the pressure cooker environment of international T20 cricket.

That said, punters on Betfair are still, understandably, behind the Baggy Greens, with an Australian series win currently priced at 2.42 [7.5], with India at 5.4 [9/2]. The latter’s odds seem a little long, but even with a revamped outfit I can’t see them beating their more energetic hosts twice in a week.

As such, I make Australia marginal favourites, and can see the value in laying India at 5.5.

For all the latest odds check out www.betfair.com