Christmas is a time to celebrate, not that this lot appear to need much of an excuse. Food and drink dominated the Twitter chat this week. Let Mr Agnew’s story be a lesson to us all. Turn off your phone before you go to the pub…

1. Do not drink and Tweet kids

The following has been summarised to protect… well, Aggers. There was a lot more! No pics though – shame!

Aggerscricket Jonathan Agnew 

To London: taking my boss of many years – now retiring – for what will be a very long lunch. Not sure a good boss is told so often enough.

Bowled Chanel into submission. Got wife’s Xmas pressie (free replacement) & huge lunch at Gilbert Scott. Poured onto train home #happybunny

Can’t wait to get home and present my recycled pressie!!!! Ha !

What defines a good lunch? So you speak utter cobblers to the bloke next to you on the train? That you almost miss your station? No pick up?

It’ll be a balancing act tonight. “You’re slaughtered”. “Yes dear. But here’s your replacement necklace. Happy Xmas xx”

In pub. No sign off @MrsAggers Chalel poised…..

That’s a revealing message. Substitute off with of. And Chalel with Chanel. (Now quite worried)

Mrs Aggers picks up the story from this point…

Latest slaughtered .And asleep. Cunning plan to stay at work for an extra hour worked! Think my”chalel”(HOW drunk?) gifts will have to wait!

Dead giveaway when he tried to make me a cuppa in an expresso cup- giggling like a teenage(girl)

In case you were worried, he arose the next morning, and responded to the messages of concern that had flooded in…

Many thanks for enquiries about my health today. Good form – helped by a brisk and bracing dog walk first thing! Quiet evening called for…

2. Diets are not just for after Christmas

Dear Shane, we’ve all been there. You lose a bit of weight, start fitting into those old cricket whites again, you think you’re invincible. Then you just have one sanger and…  JUST SAY NO!

warne888 Shane Warne 

Time now for my youngest daughters school BBQ – should be fun !! Lots of sausages in bread – fried onions and lots of tommy sauce !!!!

3. Live a Little

At Christmas we should all do something out of the ordinary and treat ourselves. This is hardly rock climbing in the Andes but baby steps.

JohnSunCricket John Etheridge 

I’ve just done something I’ve never done before – eaten a Nandos meal. Cue astonishment from every English professional cricketer.

4. Practice makes perfect

Apparently you don’t swallow at a wine tasting, you treat it like really expensive mouthwash. I’m not sure Blowers knows that. He did show great self-control (and some cunning economic nous) on the easyJet flight though.

blowersh Henry Blofeld 

Vigourously polishing my thirst for lunch with TMS producer , Adam Mountford, at Le Colombier. Then to a wine tasting. Hope thirst holds up!

easyJet to Milan and back effective if hardly luxurious. Brought along our own sandwiches and nibbled away furiously but unalcoholically!

5. Variety is the spice of life

Not sure we can blame this one on geography. @stubbsey78 claimed it was a modern take on the Ploughmans. Looks like the “morning after” bits from the fridge to me.

StuartBroad8 Stuart Broad 

I know u Northerners r a bit weird but @BunnyOnions, this is the strangest food combo ever… yfrog.com/mmqkxkj

6. A bad workman blames his tools

Totally not your fault Steve. You were on the other side of the planet so gravity works the other way round down there, right?

finnysteve Steven Finn 

Its a dark day when I’m real happy about cooking in a non stick pan after a few bad ordeals in NZ

7. Anyone for tea?

As the Home of Cricket you’d hope they’d put on a good spread and it appears they do.

HomeOfCricket Lord’s Ground 

Sounds like we have a fan at @afternoonteauk A cracking review of Lord’s Afternoon Tea – thanks guys! tinyurl.com/d9vkn5b

8. Its always the happy hour somewhere in the world

Mr V getting in the Christmas spirit? No going for an early one to drink to forget more like.

VaughanCricket Michael Vaughan 

Losing the will to live with this shopping shit.! Need food now.!” Might as well have a pint.. It’s past midday!??

9. Masterchef in the making?

Maybe not Ryan but sounds like Mrs S is a bit handy. He enjoys a varied diet though.

RyanSidebottom Ryan Sidebottom 

Pre match beans on toast ! suppose i can put them off if im really rubbish : ) x

Roast chicken n the trimmings for dinner, mint! Our lass does a mean Yorkshire Pud

Had a lovely thai …proper garlic breath now : 0

10. Be careful what you wish for (others)

So our little Andrew is all grown up (34 is the new 21) and made his followers an offer they couldn’t resist.

flintoff11 andrew flintoff 

Man v food is good but I’m buying 5000 pints for my followers tonight at Village Hotel Victory Pubs for my birthday

Piers Morgan, never one to miss an opportunity, offered to take the deal Stateside.

@piersmorgan Piers Morgan

There’s a pub near me in Beverly Hills called The Village Idiot – that might have your free pint offer @flintoff11 ?

Follow all the cricketing action (and not just the refreshments) in real-time on Tweetsport. You might be surprised what you find…

One Ball Wonder

If you don’t concentrate hard, you’ll miss it.  Take a look at the scorecard from Yorkshire’s rain-affected one-dayer versus Glamorgan on May 25, 2003. Umpires both named Holder, but that’s not it. Chris Silverwood opening the batting and bowling, a Glamorgan win by Duckworth/ Lewis, and Robert Croft going for an uncharacteristically generous seven per-over? No, none of the above. Look at Ryan Sidebottom’s figures. 0.1-0-11-0. He bowled five wides and Matthew Maynard hit his single legal delivery for six before the Tykes left-armer went off injured. He’s had better days at the office.

They’re Nine Down, This Shouldn’t Take Long

Peter Smith had plenty of interesting cricketing yarns to offer. The Essex leggie was on the receiving end of Bradman and co when he took 4-193 against the tourists at Southend in 1948. Then there was the one about him being sent a telegram telling him he’d been picked to play for England against West Indies at The Oval in 1933, only to discover it was a hoax when he reported for duty. 13 years later, at the same ground, he was in the Test team for real. Perhaps the one to top them all though, was the time he strolled to the middle, last man in at 199-9 at Chesterfield – no doubt trying to nudge a few more towards respectability. When he returned to the pavilion he had 163 to his name – the highest score ever by a number 11.

Swann’s Stranglehold

The stats don’t lie. He is the top ranked spinner in the world and England’s ‘go to’ man; invariably conjuring a wicket from somewhere when it’s really needed. At Edgbaston in 2010 though, he showed the more penurious side of his nature when he bowled 11 consecutive maidens against Pakistan’s batsmen, who according to Simon Hughes, were “mostly young and with bats like railway sleepers” and lacking “the subtlety and deftness to find a profitable response”. So there.

Eleventh Heaven

A number of bowlers, including Mohammed Zahid, Clarrie Grimmett and Alf Valentine have taken 11 wickets on their Test debut. Alec Bedser did it too, taking 11-145 against India at Lord’s in 1946, and then repeated the feat in the next Test at Old Trafford, conceding only 93 runs in the match. Described as possibly the first bowler to be knighted since Sir Francis Drake, Sir Alec was a man of firm political beliefs not to everyone’s taste, and lived with his twin brother Eric in the same house – built by their father – for 53 years until Eric died in 2006. John Arlott described them as “two dark, massive men, identical in every detail of bone structure”. But it is Alec who will be remembered as one of England’s finest, and who for a time seemed to have the secret to cricketing immortality – how to dismiss the Don. He did it six times, twice for a duck.

Last Man Standing Taller

It’s pretty rare. Gower caught Dujon bowled Marshall? No, much more rare than that. Perhaps not as rare as a reluctant number 11 going in as an ill-suited nightwatchman and being stumped second ball for six (former MCC president and Sussex captain Robin Marlar); but still a fairly rare occurrence. Against South Africa in Cape Town in 2005, Steve Harmison’s long-handled high jinks brought him 42 at a run-a-ball including seven fours and a maximum. It was the most recent example of a number 11 batsman being the highest scorer in a Test innings, but it couldn’t prevent his side slumping to a 196-run defeat.